j eastman's world

Limitations...

2005-02-19T18:15:00.000-06:00

So, due to limitations with Blogger, any new posts to this blog can be found at my new site, Insecure Rock Star. Feel free to visit there while the site is still under construction.

What Have I Got Myself Into, or Engine Repair 101

2005-02-17T20:55:00.000-06:00

I don't know what possessed me to do it. Maybe it was the liquor speaking....

...but right now I've got a 1994 Plymouth Acclaim parked in my garage, the engine in pieces.

Removing the valve covers and intake manifold...

I'm not a mechanic...I don't ever pretend to be one. When I turned 18, I received a 36 piece tool set for my birthday, which hadn't been opened until this week...I've never changed my own oil, or ever had to change a tire...I leave that to the professionals. So, how did I get myself into this situation?....well, it started like this...

Last summer, a friend of mine was selling his car...he was moving, and didn't need it, as he had recently bought a new one. I offered to buy it, as it was dirt cheap...plus, I was having some repairs done to my vehicle, and as it turned out, buying his car was cheaper than renting one for the week.

When the repairs were done, I continued to drive this vehicle, because it was, in my opinion, a pretty decent car for having nearly 200k miles on it....the engine seemed sound, and there wasn't any serious body damage, outside of the occasional ding, or dent, but nothing that would indicate that said car was over 10 years old....

When a friend of mine returned from the reserves this fall, she was looking for a car to buy....so, reluctantly, I decided to sell. She was a single parent who didn't have transportation, and I felt that she needed transportation more than I needed to have a spare car...I made a deal, and she drove off, happy.

Unfortunately, within about 6 weeks of owning the car, it blew a head gasket....the car sat outside in subzero temperatures for about a month before it found it's way back to my garage.

Guiltily, I offered to help fix the vehicle....so, we went out and bought a rebuild kit from Carquest, a couple of jackstands and a Chilton's book on engine repair....

Now the car is jacked up in my rental garage...the engine is resting on a couple of phone books...we finally made it down to the cylinder heads after two days of pulling, pushing and grunting...I now look at the mess in my garage and wonder if:

#1. Will we be able to identify and return all the parts, nuts, screws and bolts back to their proper location?

and...

#2. Will the vehicle actually start up and run when were finished?

Reaching the cylinder heads...

So far only 1 1/2 cases of beer have been consumed in the process....

Big Fat Comeback "Show"....

2005-02-10T01:14:00.000-06:00

Upon the recommendation of a friend of mine, I participated in the open mic show at the Chatterbox Pub yesterday....

It's been almost 9 years since I performed an entire show consisting of original material in front of an audience, so not much has changed from the set list in that period of time....yeah, I've written a lot of new songs, but none that I'm terribly comfortable performing yet....so, I stuck with the old tried and true favorites...."John Tesh"...."Just Get Him"...."Juliana Hatfield"..."Holiday Inn Massacre"....and a handful of reliable covers, including Young MC's "Bust a Move."

I expected to play only about 15 minutes, for which I was adequately prepared....however, due to the fact that I was one of only two people playing last night, I ended up performing for a little over an hour. It was a little rough at first, I had already consumed 88 oz of beer, plus I'm not used to not hearing myself in a monitor, so that added to the confusion....I couldn't really hear my guitar, so I didn't know if I was singing in key, or not...according to those in the know, I sounded fine.

I did forget a few chords, and some lyrics, but like I said, I wasn't prepared to play as long as I did. Overall, it was exhilirating...and as open mic occurs every Tuesday, I expect to be down there for the next few weeks fine tuning my sound, and adding new songs to the mix....Feel free to visit the Chatterbox to see me develop my big drunk show....

Reposted from my MySpace site.

Tooth Part Tooth.

2005-02-05T05:50:00.000-06:00

There's a knock knock joke I tell my kids every once in a while...it goes like this:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Duluth...
Duluth who?
Duluth tooth in my mouth is making it hard to talk..

So, anyways, I mentioned some time ago that I was to get some dental work....well...in true j eastman fashion, even that got effed up.

Now I have to see a specialist. Yep. Apparently, it seems that the root of my tooth is broken off, and the now the whole thing may have to be extracted. Or not. Nobody knows. Not until I see the specialist. That's more than a month away.

So, in the mean time, whatever remained of my previously damaged tooth has been sawed completely off....gone. However, the dentist did give me a "temporary" crown. She advised me not to eat solid food, because this temporary tooth isn't really attached to anything....there really isn't anything to glue it to, so basically it's being held in place by sheer will power. But not really. She expressed concerns about decay and advised me not to use superglue...or duct tape to keep it from falling out.

She recommended a liquid diet. I tried to get a doctors note so I could drink at work, but she laughed, thinking that I was joking.

I wasn't.

So, now the loose tooth in my mouth is making it hard to talk. And eat. And sleep.

It hasn't, however, affected my drinking. So, in the words of Paul Westerberg, "All I really want is beer for breakfast". And lunch. And dinner.

Wrong

2005-01-31T17:50:00.000-06:00

Maybe it's just me, but I think there's something wrong with the fact that the pizza delivery guy drives a nicer, more expensive car than I...Coincidentally blaring the absolute worst music, which was emanating from what was most likely a very expensive audio system*.

Yesterday, the Dominos pizza guys showed up delivering pizzas in an Audi A6.

*When the temperature gets below freezing, my CD player won't accept CD's until it's warmed up. I guess I deserve that for buying my car stereo at a garage sale.

Dell

2005-01-22T22:55:00.000-06:00

Oh so many years ago, when I was in the military, one of my best friends and drinking buddies was Dell....We'd hang all the time, despite the fact that we didn't have a whole lot in common...I mean, well...we didn't like the same music by a long shot, though he was kind enough to let me drag him to several shows in those days and put up with my drunk ass...

...When I started really getting into playing music, I'll have to say, Dell was one of the people who really pushed me into it...in the early days, when I was doing open mic's around San Diego and eventually getting booked into the Innerchange, he'd come up and sing harmonies on a handful of songs, like "Sabrina", "Alright" and our cover of Husker Du's "Never Talking to You"....he was also my designated heckler, which added to the fun. Testify!!

Anyways, I got out of the military......however, Dell is still in, serving in Afghanistan, bless him....today he sent me these pix of him:

...and....

Hurry back, Dell....I've got cold beer waitin' in the fridge....

Reposted from my Myspace site.

...and then?

2005-01-21T04:38:00.000-06:00

Ever since I can remember, I've been a fan of the Minnesota Vikings....That goes all the way back to when the team played in the old Met Stadium, now commonly referred to as the Mall of America.

Over the years, I've been chided over my choice in teams....over and over I've been told, "Oh, they'll start off strong, but they'll never make it to the finish line."

It's a little depressing to now admit that they might be right.

In the 80's, I felt the Vikings were probably the best team in the NFL, but, because of bad luck, or bad calls, they never won the Superbowl. "Two-minute" Tommy Kramer is, at least in my mind, one of the most underrated quarterbacks to have ever played the game. I thought it was great that he routinely showed up to games half-crocked (I bet he was a PBR guy)...it wasn't 'til he was forced to dry out that his game actually began to suffer. Then he got his kicks by taking out mailboxes with a baseball bat.....at least that's my theory behind the mystery "numbness" in his thumb that plagued him in those final games.

When Wilson took over for quarterback in the mid to late 80's, like everyone else, I could see his potential, however, I always thought that third stringer Rich Gannon would be the guy to take the team to a win. Of course, the argument was that he was young, and inexperienced...but I thought he was one of the few that played the game as though he cared....I lamented as year after year Gannon sat on the sidelines, not really doing anything with his time except for holding the clipboard for Coach Burns....Rich was eventually traded to Kansas City late in his career to become one of the top rated starters...1999 he was signed as a free agent by the Raiders. He went to the Pro Bowl in his first year as a Raider, and again in 2000 and 2001, both times becoming the Pro Bowl MVP. Gannon was named the NFL MVP after a record-setting 2002 season, which helped the Raiders get to Super Bowl 37 (which they ended up losing, but I digress)......alas, the Vikings never seemed to realize his abilities.

One of the worst management decisions for the Vikings was the trade for Herschel Walker in exchange for 5 first round draft picks....Walker, obtained from the Cowboys didn't do anything for Minnesota's running game...meanwhile, the Cowboys became the team to beat in the '90's. Ironically, Walker ended up being traded back to the Cowboys....The Vikings paid for that blunder for several years.

We've had some outstanding players in the past few years...Anthony Carter, Chris Carter, Robert Smith, Chris Culpepper, and ...... uh...reluctantly, and embarassingly ...Randy Moss....but the Vikings could never really seem to get their act together...they always seem to fall apart in the last half of nearly every game...I don't know if this is some sort of curse, but it's very discouraging....

...In fact, it's become apparent to me that for the past several years, they start out with a bang, and fizzle to the finish....it's troubles me that this is the routine now...pretty much expected and accepted. I can't blame the coach...Mike Tice seems to be fairly grounded...I just doubt it's in the cards for the Vikings to ever pull out of this rut.

So, I'm currently considering finding a new favorite team to get behind....I'm tired of constantly being frustrated, then drinking myself into a stupor over things I can't control....I have enough trouble keeping up with drinking myself into a stupor over the things I CAN control...

...feel free to leave your recommendations in the comments box....

Toothy

2005-01-14T01:45:00.000-06:00

I'm getting a new tooth....should be fitted and installed no later than February 8th.

First thing I plan on doing is ordering Hotwings (with the bones in!!!!) and a beer.

Photos to follow.

Bah.

2005-01-07T05:52:00.000-06:00

I'm taking some personal time from my blog.

Basically, it all boils down to this....I'm sick of New Years. I'm sick of Christmas. I'm sick of being nice to everyone, and having to pick up the phone and pretend to be excited to talk to people.

I'm beat over the head with "Holiday Cheer". I don't want to contemplate the previous year. I don't expect much from the next, either. Everything seems to run together into some sort of weird blur, that I'm sure will not be discernible on my deathbed, when it goes flashing in front of my eyes.

It's gonna take a whole lotta whiskey to forget 2004.

Blotto....

Now I'm Angry...

2004-12-24T01:27:00.000-06:00

No, really....I'm actually very jealous that I didn't come up with this first:

http://www.merrychristmasfromjames.com/indexwm.htm

This is hands down the most entertaining thing I've seen all Christmas up to this point, and that includes the annual viewing of the "Island of the Misfit Toys" number from Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer.

My favorite part of the song is where James is seen exiting the strip club!

This is the kind of Christmas/Holiday type music I'd enjoy hearing more of during the holidays...this is the kind of music I like to drink beer under the christmas tree to....

Thanks James!

Commercial

2004-12-16T22:29:00.000-06:00

I guess I'm just a little befuddled....as to why, during the daytime viewing hours, it seems that all the advertisements are targeted to the uneducated/underemployed (i.e. commercials for Brown University, Argosy University, National American University)..or the broke/sue happy (i.e. the numorous law firms).

I wish I could see just one good ol' fashioned beer ad during Magnum P.I.

Then I wouldn't feel so all alone.

A little weary, save the wear and tear...

2004-12-09T21:48:00.000-06:00

So, I made it back.

It was a precarious journey, to say the least. First and foremost I should add that it started out as me against the machine...the "check engine" light was on for the duration of the trip. Fortunately, nothing came of it...and the vehicle appears to be running smoother than ever...

The details of the trip down to Chicago are fairly bland, so I'll pick up when we arrived in "Chi-town"...

My brother-in-law and I headed out for some last minute shopping...mostly stuff that was forgotten during the packing process....along the way we stopped into a local bar....Buffalo Wild Wings...

I'll add that we have Buffalo Wild Wings here in the Twin Cities. I will also add that this is the best idea I've ever heard of for a franchised bar....the concept is brilliant: marrying hot wings with...get this...beer!...Everyone knows that nothing goes better with hot wings than beer (unless you're visiting the Otter Supper Club, you might like to order the Lynchburg Lemonade with your order of wings). The bro-in-law and I talked about beer, sports, politics and the holidays. Autumn, our waitress and aspiring speech therapist at the local college, gave me a few pointers with helping my son correct some speech impediments. Yeah.

After we returned to the residence, I'm sorry to say, I actually passed out. Yep. It's both true and disappointing at the same time, but, in my defense, I was working on less than 3 hours of sleep in a twenty-four hour period, and lack of sleep with an alcohol mixer had taken it's toll. I will mention that I was able to recover later in the evening long enough to eat several Taco Bell soft tacos, and drink plenty of water in order to prepare myself for the next days drinkin'.

An hour after I woke up the following morning, I had helped myself to a Crown Royal and Coke. I know I've mentioned it before, but I think it needs to be said again, there is nothing better than an early morning buzz. The afternoon pretty much consisted of heaving drinking, and some game playing...I rode "the wave" well into the evening, and then into the early morning hours. I actually drew a diagram of what "ridin' the wave" looks like, and my position on the wave at that particular moment (indicated by the arrow) for my sister-in-law. I nearly ended up on the wrong side of the wave after the Vikings loss, but I recovered gracefully. (see figure 1)

Figure 1

We continued on past midnight, until we eventually had to call it quits. I had put in a serious days worth of drinking.

The final full day of the visit was a bit dryer than the previous day....I woke up, quite dismayed to find out that all of the liquor had been consumed. I had brought the Crown Royal...and a bottle of Windsor. I know the in-laws had a bottle of Canadian Club and a case of Miller Lite...all of it gone. So, as a consequence, I got a late start to by alcohol buzz....it wasn't until two in the afternoon until someone felt well enough to drive the nearly 5 blocks to the corner liquor store in order to restock. I managed to maintain my composure during the temporary dry spell by playing "Test Drive" on the XBox...I'm not too keen on playing video games, unless they involve driving....I actually liked "Test Drive", however, I was disappointed that my car didn't get any dents, or lose tires, or go all haywire whenever I crashed, nor did it take me to a liquor store or bar. I've always thought that driving games should be more realistic in that manner....

When the liquor finally arrived, I commenced drinking before the bottle could even be taken out of the bag. After "getting my fade on" I yanked out the turkey fryer, and fried up a turkey, and a couple of potatoes (something I wouldn't recommend to amateur drinkers)....Much of the rest of this afternoon/evening was the same as the day before, except that we were invited to a neighbors house to hang. The neighbor is a drummer in a band, so he had "the works" set up in the basement to make some noise.

So, we enjoyed the music for a few hours, running back and forth between the houses to get refills. The owner of the drumset could see I was chomping at the bit to beat the skins, so, he turned the drums over to me, and I cranked out side one of Nirvana's Nevermind ....not such an easy task, and I'm sure that, considering drunken state of all present, the mistakes were overlooked. (see figure 2)

Figure 2

When we returned home long after midnight, I retired to playing the XBox again. My goal was to finish the game I had worked on earlier in the afternoon, but playing a driving game when drunk is like, well, one can imagine. I didn't get very far, and eventually I gave up.

The next morning consisted of getting packed up, eating a greasy, greasy drunk and hungry breakfast, and staring the "check engine" light again.

The best part of this story is the end, when we get home, unload the kids, and I head out to my beer fridge and open up a Shells' Caramel Boch and sink into the easy chair and start the recuperative process.

If my blog seems kinda 'effed up, I'm working on it...I don't know what happened....

Chicagoland

2004-12-04T04:32:00.000-06:00

Yes...that's right...in a few very short hours I will be on the road....on my way to Chicago.

From time to time, the wife and I load up the kids to make the six hour drive south to visit in-laws...what this basically amounts to is the consumption of copious amounts of alcoholic beverages....I feel drunk just talking about it.

Usually, my goal when I'm in Chicago is to maintain that ever so difficult "perfect beer buzz"....not an easy task...I haven't quite mastered it yet, although I have "ridden the wave" several times, which is a rare treat.

Until my next....

Street Music

2004-12-02T22:36:00.000-06:00

From my point of view, nothing feels better than a good 'ol whiskey buzz at 10 o'clock in the morning.

Right up there, though, is any kind of positive attention:

I have to send props to the Street Musician Blog for mentioning me....the writer of said blog contacted me through a discussion board I occasionally frequent. It's always fun to correspond with like minded people....musicians always seem to have an unspoken respect for each other...at least in general.

Being a self-professed "half-assed" musician, reading the blog is both interesting and informative. I've often wondered what goes on in a real musician's head...I mean, other than mine...I know what goes on in my head, and, even though I could never fully articulate it, my psychiatrist says that I'm getting closer to a breakthrough everytime I visit. Hurrah!

So, if you can't find me here...or on my discussion board, or at the bar...I can be found there....

...oh and, "authormusician", if that is your real name....keep on 'bloggin'....and here's to you!

I'll have to make sure to add him to my links...I'll be frequenting his blog often...

First Avenue

2004-11-19T01:47:00.000-06:00

I've been so broken hearted since First Avenue closed it's doors three weeks ago...home to so many legends...a great big scab in the heart of Minneapolis. The last live show I saw there was The Phones reunion show a little less than a year ago....before that it was Camper Van Beethoven .

I'd always had some sort of hope that even I would get the chance to, at the very least, stand on the same stage Prince stood on all the way back in ancient history...but all my hopes were dashed when the owner filed for bankruptcy.

Then, today, like some sort of sign from the mother ship, or a case of Hornitos falling from the sky, this story was on the front page of the Tribune:

First Avenue gets OK to reopen Friday
November 18, 2004

Some minor fire-code issues have to be resolved, but otherwise First Avenue's new operators -- the nightclub's former managers -- have been given a green light to reopen as planned Friday night, Minneapolis licensing inspector Ken Ziegler said Wednesday.

The club's first show back in business following a 2½-week hiatus and ownership change will be costumed metal band Gwar on Friday, followed by the usual late-night dance/DJ programming.

Marketing director LeeAnn Weimar, who is among the former employees being rehired at the club, said, "Bear with us. We've been through a lot and are still working like mad."

Viva la First Avenue!!

Iced Tea

2004-11-13T04:55:00.000-06:00

Yeah....so Thursday marked yet another birthday for me. I'm sure all my millions of readers will be thrilled to know I made it back from the "other side" relatively unscathed.

I have to give a shout out to my bartender for making what had to have been the most potent Long Island Iced Tea I've ever had (that I didn't make myself).

I am also pleased to report that I now have added yet another guitar to my "collection". A gem of a find, I managed to only pay $75 for it, finding it in an out of the way pawn shop, but it is now my favorite of all of them (7 in all). It is a Acoustic/Electric mohogany beauty...a Taylor knockoff...exactly what I was looking for, in excellent condition, not a scratch on it....I'm now one step closer to playing live shows again (I've been scheduled to start playing next spring...woohoo!)

That's my new baby...

Redneck TV

2004-11-10T17:56:00.000-06:00

I commonly refer to thunderstorms as "Redneck Television"...

The idea is that (at least in my world) "rednecks" don't own a television..they generally don't read...so, for entertainment, they'll sit out on their front porch with a beer and watch the world passing by.

Personally, I love redneck television.

Sometimes it's kids playin' with the dog....or a dead squirrel. Maybe it's someone jumping out of a bedroom window across the street, or other rednecks sittin' on their porch drinkin' beer....Perhaps it's just the cars passing by.

A real treat is usually a thunderstorm, complete with sirens blowing, and tree limbs falling, maybe even a funnel cloud sighting...

Anywoo...those who enjoy redneck television, like myself, got to watch a science fiction program last Monday night:

Arora Borealis

Bar-stumbling

2004-11-06T20:41:00.000-06:00

In the last few days, I have received several e-mails...

...the basic message of these e-mails is a mention of the fact that I haven't invited everyone over to go bar-stumbling....

Although I have addressed individuals from time to time, I want to make it official:

Anyone who wants to go "bar-stumbling" with me...this is an open invitation. Anyone and everyone is invited.

You do not need to call ahead. You do not need reservations. I have acres of free parking.

I will advise that you bring the beverage of your choice. It is well known, within certain circles, that I keep a well stocked bar, however, with my propensity for consumption, and the possibility that we may be stumbling through the entire evening, we could very well run dry....and with the local liquor stores closing at the 8 o'clock hour, and the local bars closing at 2 am, it would be wise to have back up.

Do not worry about space…I have a beer fridge.

Down at the local...

2004-11-05T04:41:00.000-06:00

O.K....I mentioned previously, some time ago, that I would love it if they'd build a bar across the street from where I lived.

I reasoned that having said bar across the street, would eliminate the need to use my booze compass to get me home safetly.

Well...lo and behold, there is going to be a bar opening in less than six month....just within stumblin' distance from my domicile...I'm quite excited about it.

Until it opens, however, expect to find me passed out in the garage.

Sweet liquor eases the pain....

The Day After....

2004-11-03T18:03:00.000-06:00

Man...am I hung over.

Anyways....if you're reading this blog (yeah, right...now that's rich!), you're probably wondering about my thoughts regarding the Presidential Elections....

...I'm disappointed...and it's not so much who got elected, or who didn't get elected...it's just interesting that only 77% of the registered voters in my state actually voted.

Even if neither of the major presidential candidates were appealing to you, there were plenty of other choices...not to mention the option to write in your candidate....there are also local races that are most likely to affect people a little more personally than national elections...

Some would say that because of the electoral college, their vote gets lost...it's not important...their vote doesn't count. That may be true, and maybe someday it'll change...but if you don't vote, it will never change...

Seventy Seven percent. Most people would say that's a pretty good turnout...I, on the other hand, cannot fathom why a person wouldn't take some time out of their "busy" schedule to vote. It took me exactly 15 minutes to sign in, get my ballot, place my vote, and put it into the machine...I even got a nice sticker.

Plenty of time left to go home and finish off my jello shooters from the night before while watching the returns.

I was surprised to find that even people I thought I knew well either "forgot" or didn't think their vote mattered.....then, I think about those poor saps in Ohio, who waited up to TEN hours to vote...You want to know who the true American patriots are?...take a look at who was wearing that little red sticker yesterday.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

....and now that's out of the way....

I thought I'd try and get a better pix for myself...this is the best I could come up with....

Give it up...

2004-10-31T00:09:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of giving up this whole "blog" lifestyle...it's highly overrated, in my opinion.

Plus, I can hardly keep up with all the updates....aaand I spend so much time reading everyone else's blog, my life seems rather mundane, because, well it is.

I figure, if I spent half as much time drinking, as I do thinking about whatever boring bit of my life I can broadcast out to the world via the "internet", I could remain just drunk enough not to care anymore....riding that buzz would become my life's work.

Today is Halloween. This is the best pumpkin ever:

****Side note****

Kate, someday I'll tell you all about my trip to grandma's....I'll tell you this much now, there was beer involved....

Grandma..

2004-10-16T23:11:00.000-05:00

Yep...going to see grandma tomorrow.

Bringin' the kids, too.

I'm going to have to stop at the alcohol store. Oh, yeah.

I haven't seen my grandmother since last August...I've been puttin' it off, mostly because my work schedule didn't allow...

...being a hobo is hard enough as it is, without maintaining a schedule.

So, tomorrow, I'm loading up the kids for a three hour drive. Hooray for me!

Bottoms up!

Yeah....

2004-10-08T00:39:00.000-05:00

...So...

I've been reading, and reading...and I've been doing some more reading on the concept of using used vegetable oil as fuel in vehicles that would normally run on diesel fuel....

Apparently, Mr. Diesel...the inventor of the diesel engine originally intended his engine to run on peanut oil...the original "alternative fuel" vehicle...

...crazy stuff...mind boggling.

I've been spending time at www.greasecar.com . They've got classified ads for "grease burning cars".

I've been trying to figure out exactly how much money I could possible divert back into my drinking hobby if I switched to a grease burning car...I mean, think of the possibilities...according to the website, restaurants actually PAY to have their grease hauled off...They're happy to give it away, so I'd be getting free fuel. FREE. And if history has taught me anything, it's that anything free can't be all that bad.

Except for cooties, but that's a whole 'nuther story.

Anyways, I hope the "big" oil producers aren't reading this now, I don't want to be black listed. That's the last thing I need.

The Bait

2004-10-02T01:32:00.000-05:00

So, I suppose, if you're reading my "blog", you’re interested in reading my opinion about Thursday nights' Presidential debate....

Unfortunately, I was incapacitated...

See, I had intended to watch the debate..in fact, I even made an "emergency" run to the liquor store specifically for the event. Lo, and behold, tequila was on sale...20% off...I'm not joking. Twenty percent.... I thought to myself that it was time I replenished my supply, so bought a couple of bottles (hey, the snow is just about to start flying around here, and nothing keeps me warmer than a cup of hot chocolate, with a shot of tequila!!!)...

Well, the "debate" didn't start until 8pm, which meant I had an awful lot of time to kill. So, I started sampling the tequila...sweet, sweet tequila....(tequila will never let me down...)

Basically, that's where my story ends. I passed out before the debates began. I awoke this morning, just before the rain started falling, and dragged myself inside...oh sure, I got all the post debate rundown, but that really doesn't interest me, nor does watching a replay of it...I need to be in the moment for an event like that...perhaps I'll try to contain my sobriety for future debates....

Keg-o-rator

2004-09-18T01:31:00.000-05:00

So, I've been absent for the past few weeks...

I officially moved into my new residence in Lakeville...at first I was excited, then I was depressed...now I've reached indifference.

I've come to the conclusion that all my neighbors are trailer-park rejects. ....because I'm in a rental, you would expect my time there will be limited.

Unfortunately, I signed a two year lease. Oh, well......I'm sure there are some hardcore drunks I can bond with....

I've also noticed that my picture has been missing for quite some time now....I'm not sure why it's gone...I'll get around to correcting it one of these days.

As far as the whole Keg-o-rator thing goes, as noted in the comments section of my previous post...I have given some thought to that. However, I doubt I'll get that involved until I have a more permanent living arrangement. Plus, right now, I enjoy the freedom of stumbling around the neighborhood with a couple of bottles..it's a bit more "classy"..or at least suited my audience.

The other downside to the neighborhood it the fact that I don't have a local bar down the street anymore...I now would have to get in my car to go on a bender at the local pub...however, there is quite a bit of construction going on across the street...rumor has it that a new grocery store is going up....I've been crossing my fingers someone will put in a drinkin' establishment too....

Beer Fridge

2004-09-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

Ahhh....a man can't feel like a man, until he has his own beer fridge...

...I've got mine in the garage....

...oh, yeah....beer...

Insignificant

2004-09-09T01:24:00.000-05:00

One of the nice things about not having a large readership, is not having to apologize for not posting for long periods of time.

Really...who's going to hold me accountable?

Truthfully, though, I've been on a bender for the last few weeks....

Corporate Poultry

2004-08-26T19:43:00.000-05:00

I had intended on writing a bit about McDonalds' new chicken strips, however, I recently read a very short dissertation regarding the aforementioned corporate poultry, and decided against it.

I doubt it would've been interesting reading, and, alas, nowhere in the story did I mention alcohol at all.

Not to say anything I write is necessarily interesting.....

Beer for Breakfast!

2004-08-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

This last week, I started working the overnight shift. I used to get home from work at about 12:30 am....prime drinkin' time, in my book. Now I get home at 5am in the morning, which is when I now commence drinking. By 7 am, I've got a pretty good buzz going, watching the early morning news....

I can't help but wonder what my neighbors think...seeing me all liquored up and stumbling down to the dumpster to deposit my empties in the morning...then, in the late afternoon, seeing me all blurry-eyed, watching Magnum P.I. on my porch with a cup of coffee...

Yeah, I'm white trash.....you can take the boy out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the boy.

Disappointed

2004-07-31T21:59:00.000-05:00

About a week ago, the chain discount furniture store, IKEA, opened in Bloomington, across from the Mall of America. After enjoying a few beers with the wife, we decided to check it out...not that I'm looking for new
furniture...Oh, no...not with all the miniature tornadoes I've bred....but just to satisfy my curiousity.

IKEA is famous, I guess, for their simplicity in design...which is obvious after paging through their catalogue. I wasn't too impressed, and I figured that I could duplicate most of their furniture using the limited number of power tools I have access to, while consuming generous amounts of alcohol in the privacy of my own garage....nothing goes better with power tools than a good ole' alcohol buzz....

Anyways, we arrived at the store in the mid-afternoon, and we were distraught with the number of cars in the parking lot...I'm guessing it was better than 30 acres of parking (free, by the way), and nearly all the spots near the store were taken....a handful of police (you can't trust the man) and various rent-a-cops were directing traffic. I was concerned simply because I had a full bladder, and I thought the quarter mile walk to the store was certainly going to KILL me. It didn't.

The entrance to the store looked like the entrance to the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport...once getting inside, there was a cafe, and a restaurant... and, well...that turned me off right away...I looked for a place that sold beer...no dice...I think I could get into furniture shopping if more stores sold beer...

The place was packed...practically elbow to elbow...and the furniture, was one step above what you could find at Walmart, or Kmart, or Target, or next to the dumpster in my apartment complex (oh, yeah, I ain't too proud). Overall, I was disappointed...However, I did get some pretty good ideas for building a loft bed, and some bookshelves...but overall, doubtful I'll be buying anything from IKEA anytime soon.

Not unless they start serving beer.

Baby deer.......Alive!

2004-07-26T08:13:00.000-05:00

I arrived in the bustling metropolis of Ottertail, MN at approximately 8:46pm Friday night. My aunt an uncle had already started drinking without me, so I had a lot of catching up to do. I first had to tend to my parental duties, which included sending my youngest to bed, and getting the other two settled down. It was at this time my uncle stumbled over to the neighbors house to borrow a guitar.

See, my uncle and I have this thing we do, which is, get drunk, then sit around the fire and butcher blues music, me on the guitar, and him on the harmonica. He's pretty good with the mouth harp, and I'm about average on the guitar. We have a couple of songs that we usually start of with....eventually it turns into a marathon rendition of "Kansas City" which morphs into something completely different over the course of several shots of whiskey....

Anyways, After about fourty-five minutes of "jamming", my uncle came up with this brilliant idea to go to one of the two bars in town, and provide the entertainment. I wasn't so much drunk by this point, but I was fairly pliant...So, he grabbed about five different mouth harps and placed them in a freezer bag, and I put the guitar in the backseat of his Chevy Lumina, and off we went....

As it turned out, the bar we selected to invade was in the midst of Karaoke....which I suspected would be the case even before we left, but seeing as how I'm no longer considered "a local" (which means they no longer accept my checks), I've been left out of the loop. So, my uncle and I shot a game of pool, and I sent my stage name..."Stinky"...in for a couple of songs. Because I'm a returning former local, and a former favorite bartender from the rival bar down the road, I managed to drink for free....long story short, I got hammered pretty quickly, all while getting caught up on the local gossip, doing my best Frank Sinatra, and beating my uncle at billiards...

When the big fat Karaoke show shut down for the night, my uncle staggered out to the car and grabbed the guitar, and we proceeded to entertain the remaining crowd with our antics...which meant that I was too drunk to finish any one song we started, although I took requests for anything from Blind Willie McTell, to Brittany Spears (I do a bitchin' version of "Oops, I Did It Again" on the acoustic. We got kicked out.

In our brilliance, we thought maybe the other bar down the road would be more receptive to our brand of entertainment because, well, I used to bartend there.....as it turned out they wouldn't even serve us....and after getting three chords into a song, we were shown the door there also....

By the time we arrived back at my uncles house, my wife had already shown up...I guess she'd been there an hour or so, and was helping my aunt finish a bottle of wine (girls)....

The rest of the weeked wasn't as entertaining....took the kids fishing (I caught four little pan fries using my daughters "Spider Man" Fishing rod) and to the fair (where we ran into many people who still reside in what I affectionately call "stink town")....I miss the good times there, but the job market sucks, and it's impossible to make a living or provide for my kids (especially when I've got FOUR...yeah, I'm a pretty busy guy)...Went tubing, or as my friend and cyber drinkin' buddy from Carbondale (Jonny B) refers to it, a float trip....

....however, the last bit of drama occured on the way back to the metropolitan area....

Being from "cow's ass" Minnesota, I'm familiar with all the shortcuts, or as I refer to them, "snake routes", to get back to the interstate..(contrary to popular belief, there are paved roads north of St. Cloud, MN)...anyways, I'm driving through a fairly rural, and little used country back road, when out of nowhere, two deer start across the road...there never really is a correct way to avoid a deer when it's coming at you...the best idea I came up with on short notice was to brake and swerve...which, as it turned out, was the wrong thing to do....because I hit one of the deer....it took out my mirror, and nearly the entire drivers side of the car...funny thing was that the two children in the backseat barely noticed anything had happened....I had thought for sure the deer was going to attempt to jump over the car...fortunately that wasn't the case....

...So anyways, I got back to the cities, and called my insurance guy up and shucked the jive with him over a couple of beers.....hopefully it'll get fixed by the next time I venture up north....for those readers (hahahaha!) who are members of PETA or any other animal rights organization, I'm happy to report that the deer was able to leave the scene of the accident, apparently unscathed....

Junction City

2004-07-19T08:11:00.000-05:00

I see that there is a new movie coming out...."Thundercats". This is especially thrilling to me...and here's why:

When I was in kindergarten, all of about 28 years ago, my favorite afterschool cartoon was "Thundercats"...and I don't think I ever watched it after kindergarten...I only have very vague memories of the program, which I can only attribute to the copious amounts of alcohol I've consumed over the years. I do remember, however, that my friend, Terry, and I would reinact the previous days episode on the playground during our "lunch" break by wearing our hooded jackets as capes and running around battling whoever might join our little game. I'm sure it must have been like the "Power Rangers" of today, but I don't remember being obsessive over it, like my son is about the rangers.

So, I'm waiting, quietly to see this movie, under the assumption that my children will want to see it more than I will...If not, then perhaps I'll take the wife to see it at the dinner theater....(hey, they sell beer at the dinner theater).

We also made our intentions to move official....we'll be moving once again, this time to Lakeville, MN. The move only takes us about five miles down the road, but I hate moving.

The upshot of this is I can go back to my second favorite pasttime....drinking in the garage (which is second only to my first favorite pasttime...drinking in the basement..)

Take two.

2004-07-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

So, I had a few minutes to spare, and took in a beer and an order of Buffalo Wings at a bar in Alexandria, MN this weekend.

Beer and Wings go together like peanut butter and chocolate...or Hall and Oates.... or professional athletes and prostitutes. I find myself daydreaming, at times about a cold beer, and a big plate of hot wings....bleu cheese....celery...

On an unrelated topic...I enjoy taking my breaks at work between 5pm and 5:30pm to watch The Simpsons on the breakroom TV.

Success

2004-06-26T16:22:00.000-05:00

Just a follow-up to my June 8th entry...

I did, in fact, buy yet another garage sale car stereo. However, it turns out that it was my faulty reasoning that led to my previous installation failure. After determining that the wires from the installation kit I purchased from Circuit City were not labeled correctly (what are the odds?), I successfully installed the original stereo I had intended for my vehicle.

Only one beer was consumed in the process, and the scarring from my previous attempt is barely noticeable.

Crazy?

2004-06-23T17:16:00.000-05:00

It has occured to me that it is becoming increasingly more difficult to determine whether the various people I encounter during the day are going insane, that I might possibly be going insane, or that they might be simply talking on a cell phone.

With the advances in wireless technology, a person can be walking down the street, apparently talking to themselves, when in fact they actually have a cell phone hidden, and a little wire eminating from their ear attached to said cell phone. Talking and walking. Almost spy-like. It troubles the schizophrenic in me, and causes me to drink more just to be able to cope.

At what point in our civilization did it become necessary to create a device that allows a person to stay in constant contact with another person, with no outwardly apparent indication that he might be conversing with another, at the expense of my sanity?

Alcohol

2004-06-14T16:43:00.000-05:00

Is it too much to ask that I might have enough alcohol to make it through one weekend?

Granted, the neighbor was visiting...which called for additional level of consumption, but in my very humble opinion, a man's tequila shouldn't be passed around without his knowledge. I have a right to maintain an acceptible level of "drunkedness" while away from my employers...

So, at precisely 4:45 pm yesterday evening, I ran out of tequila, and my buzz quickly faded...I had to finish the final few hours of my weekend in soberiety...

Not being somewhat "tipsy" makes my weekends just a little less enjoyable...and a whole lot more like being at work.

Fiasco

2004-06-10T15:57:00.001-05:00

In a bout of boredom, mixed with sobriety, I thought I thought I’d take some time today, and back-up some music I had been working on my desktop computer…I had been having problems with it locking up from time to time, and I didn’t want to lose anything important. This, of course, requires several programs to run at the same time…putting undue faith in a machine of that age and limitations...daring it to crash…

Now the thing of it is…is this: The last computer I had, I stored upwards of about 30 original songs on…inevitably, the hard drive had a meltdown, and I lost nearly all my works in progress. Too much for all those little diodes, transistors and resistors to handle. At the time, I vowed it wouldn’t happen again….however…

….it did. And how….. I couldn’t reboot the stupid computer…somewhere, some little snotty computer geek was laughing at me…Fortunately I had my little laptop, so I was able to download patches, and make a boot disk using the handy dandy internet. I have about another 30 orginal works in progress, hopefully I haven’t lost them….

If I do get that thing working again, the first thing I’ll be doing is continue backing up my projects and documents…..after that, I’ll continue killing my brain with alcohol.

Bloody Hell

2004-06-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

So, I thought I'd save a few bucks by installing my own car stereo today. I've had the stock radio in since I purchased the vehicle...I didn't know they still made cassette decks.

I saved by purchasing my stereo at a garage sale....probably my first mistake, however, I've gotten a few really good deals lately, so I figured I couldn't go wrong.

I tried to decipher the wiring diagram for the car for about an hour, before I broke down and bought an install kit from Circuit City. Now, the install kit required me to cut and tape wires anyway, but at least it was in the comfort of my house. This took me another hour...during which I managed to put a quarter inch nick in my finger (lessee...is it always cut towards you...or away...hmmmm)....I succeded in bleeding all over the kitchen....my four year old then pointed out each and every drop of blood and stated, "There's your ouch dad....there's another ouch dad"...

When it was all said and done, the stereo didn't work...I ended up putting the stock radio back in, and resigned to purchasing a new stereo and perhaps PAY someone to install it.

I did enjoy several margaritas in the process, though.

Just testing

2004-06-04T23:53:00.000-05:00

that's what it is...